My life, experience, regrets , what next?

Sometimes when I see stories of depression, or suicidal tendencies, I sometimes feel it's either over rated or people are just acting out. 

This is my story and it was caused as a result of a relationship, which has questioned the foundation of my person, my sincerity and loyalty. Where do I start from now?😥😥

Here goes the story that derailed me and changed my life negatively, I met her about 25yrs ago, immediately I saw her, I fell n love and immediately with the help of my friend I started chasing her, I I say I climbed the highest mountain for her, it would be and understatement, if I saw I went into the deepest seas, it not a full description of the journey to win her heart, at the point at which I was gasping for water in the dessert of search for her heart she came around, and we started the most beautiful thing that could ever exist then, the Relationship, (my nightmare) it was beautiful, it made me grounded, it gave me a new perspective on life, at that point every other thing took the back seat, I would readily die for her if a gun was fired at her, I wouldn't mind standing in front of the bullet to protect her, even my personal advancement my desire to leave the shores of this country, left my spirit, because I felt, well with this what else do I need, we have each other.

If this is love, then I understand why romeo killed himself, She's was the love of my life, she was everything I prayed to God for, I actually prayed and fasted with specific prayer points and wrote them down, (this is not an exaggeration it was a fact, for this my wish to be molded before it came through, even before I met her, it was like the picture I drew in my head which I wrote down manifested when I set eyes on her. 

If I had know, it would lead to my destruction and lead to my worst nightmare, I would have stepped off the stage when others were begging to come into my life, I would have taken off, when I had the opportunity to run away, I would have cursed the day I came face to face with her-thinking about it now or better still, come to think of it 🤔 - would this relationship have ever destroyed me this much if I had travelled and I was in England and she was in Nigeria? Something tells me it would have been a match made in heaven because I would still be the center of gravity for her. Without trying to embellish her, She was the only thing I desired, I was ready to leave my family and anyone behind because of this person, I guess I was too young to notice so many important things, she never planned for our future, thinking of it she never made remarks like I would like us to live in so and so place, but coming to think of it now - I never for once heard her talk about our future with me, if I had known, I would have runnnnn!!! But, I was quite young then and in love which I am till now, I felt I was smart I could manage and control my feelings/ love, but now I know I was wrong and I failed, destroying myself also along the way.